Love, Heartbreak and Fulfillment

By: Gabriel D’Amario

A brand new year all over again. Grade 8 was the final year of my journey at my elementary school for the past 10 years of my life. The place where I grew up my whole life, I suddenly had one more year left and felt like time had passed. I wanted to make this year one of the best years that I ever had at this school. When I arrived, I saw all my friends hanging out, everybody laughing, somewhat happy to be back, just because of how we could still see each other. The bell rings, and everyone goes inside, and we all go to our class. The teacher welcomes everyone and starts going over what it’s like being in grade 8. 

While she was talking, my friend tapped me on my shoulder and whispered, “Gabe, look to your right.” I turned and noticed there was a new girl at our school, her name was Emily and I caught her staring at me. She looked pretty and I thought she was a really sweet girl. When she noticed I caught her, she immediately turned back and went back to listening to our teacher. I didn’t think much of it and just continued listening. But as the days went on, more and more of her friends started coming up to me and talking to me a lot with her. Turns out she didn’t actually speak English and just came from Portugal this summer, so they would translate for her and tell me what she was saying. I started to talk to them a lot and sometimes outside of school online, but didn’t really think about it in a liking way, but more of just trying to meet new people. However, one day I got a text from one of Emily’s friends. “Gabe, what do you think of Emily?” She said, “She’s a very nice and sweet person, why what's up?” I said. She ended up telling me that Emily had a crush on me and wanted to talk to me more. I was shocked. I was surprised that a girl had even had a crush on me. I was told to keep it a secret because she was asked not to say anything about Emily, but now that I knew, I started to talk to her more and more. It was a bit challenging because I had to translate what she was saying to me in Portuguese back into English, but it wasn't something that bothered me. Over the course of us talking I also started to learn Portuguese by using Duolingo. That way, I wouldn’t just be using Google Translate, and I could have an actual conversation with her and not tense up and quickly grab my phone whenever she would ask me something or try talking to me.  

Over the next couple of weeks I started to like her a lot and had the guts to ask her the big question. “Will you be my girlfriend?” She looked at me, and I could tell she just went blank. Her whole face turned red, and had such a dead look at me. After what felt like the longest seconds of my life because of worry and fear, she says yes. I was so stunned because this was my first ever girlfriend and I wanted to be the best I could for her. For the first few days we were together, we were awkward at times, but we both understood that it was our first ever relationship, so it was going to be like that. When we started dating for longer and longer, we were practically inseparable, always together either in person or even when texting and calling after school. We would go out on little dates like being at movies, going out for lunch together or even walking around our area, and everything felt perfect. 

I would sometimes have doubtful thoughts about our relationship and she would always be there for me and help me. However, it would always go away after the reassurance, and then, little by little, it would creep back into my head. I didn’t feel like going back to ask her for reassurance because I was thinking that I was bothering her, so instead I just kept it to myself and over time got worse and worse. It got to the point where one night, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, and I told her about all of it. I would tell her about how I felt like that when we went to high school, something was going to separate us, and we wouldn’t be together, which scared me. 

When I asked her for reassurance that we would stay together, she had stopped talking for a bit and came back. “I can’t believe you would ever think like that, Gabe. The more and more you think about that stuff, the more and more you're making it seem like we wouldn’t work out. I don’t understand why you would tell me these things. The world doesn’t always revolve around you.” She said, and then immediately stopped talking. I was confused. I didn't know what I did wrong. I was just having these thoughts pop up in my head and I needed someone to talk to about all of it. We stopped talking and then came back after about an hour or so, and we talked more. But as our conversation kept going on, it kept getting worse and worse, and it didn’t look like it was going anywhere. Around 3 AM, I suddenly got a text from her after a while, and she said, “Gabriel, I don’t think this is going anywhere anymore. I can't deal with all of your stress because I also have some of my own to deal with as well. I think it’s over for us.” I started crying, I started sobbing so much to the point where I couldn’t cry anymore. “What do you mean? Why would this mean it's over for us?” I said, “I just can’t deal with you anymore, it's too much, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Gabriel.” She said it in such an angry tone that I started to think there was no saving our relationship and that it was truly over. My whole world came crumbling down. I felt as if it was over for me. I started to sob and have uncontrollable crying to the point where I cried myself to sleep. 

I woke up the next morning not wanting to even go to school because of how bad I felt. I stayed home and just relaxed the whole time. Slowly, in the following days, my mental health was deteriorating even more and more, and I didn’t want to do anything; I wanted to be at home alone with my thoughts. After a week or so, it was getting so bad that even my parents had to set up appointments with a therapist, which was something I hated even thinking about. The first appointment I went to was all about getting to know each other and what really bothers me. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing any information with him because he was a stranger to me. After the first session, I started to argue with my parents about not going to him and how I wasn’t comfortable with him, and they ended up letting me stop going to him after a while. Once March hit, I started to feel better, think more clearly, and not cave into my own thoughts, but rather just live my life and not let these thoughts take control over me. 

It only took around 2 months for me to start feeling better, and it felt like I was a prisoner finally being let out after so long. I started going out with my family and friends more often, becoming more talkative and chatty. I started to have a better mentality and I thought I should maybe clear things and not end on a bad note. So when I got home from school one day I texted her, “Hey Emily, can we talk? I don’t want us ending on a bad note and I’d rather us just be friends. Would you be fine with that?” “Honestly, Gabriel, I wouldn’t want to end on a bad note either because this was our only year together, so I’d rather be friends as well than against each other.” She responded back a couple of minutes later, and it felt now as if my world was finally back to normal. No more issues with people and feeling as if I could never be saved from my own thoughts but rather thinking clearly and having good relationships with everyone. From there on out, the final days of being in a grade that had changed my perspective for the past couple of months were coming to an end, but an end surrounded by family, friends, endless laughter, and success among everyone.

Hello, my name is Gabriel D’Amario. I'm a student at Brebeuf College School and I am in grade 11. I enjoy playing basketball and I enjoy being creative in my own way and I'm thankful for the opportunity I'm given to share with you a piece of my life.

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